Date:
01.21.10
Author:
Sam
Title:
Salomon closeouts, and an ode to the Homo erectus
We walk on two legs; that is why we, human beings, are, and always will be the dominant species of planet earth. Sure some birds do too, like penguins, but penguins are savages. Apes do from time to time, but they always have horrible posture. Because of our two legged mobility, we have had much free time to invest in more enterprising pursuits than huddling in a giant circle for warmth or scratching parasites off neighbor’s backs.
Just look how far we’ve progressed in every department; all other animals are retarded compared to us. Science, language, philosophy, footwear - we’ve got them all on lock. What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever seen a quadruped make? A beehive? An anthill? …wait, those are insects… it doesn’t matter - the point is, you won’t catch a monkey or a dolphin making high-end trail-running shoes. So what if they don’t need them, not the point. Horses actually do need shoes, but they're too stupid to make them themselves, so they have us do it for them.
All I’m saying is when I see fine, hand crafted trail runners, like the ones we just received from Salomon, I just feel proud to be a homosapien. And then I think about all those barefoot hippies and I just want to puke; spitting in the face of the very evolution that has done them so well. Disgusting. If I had my way I’d have all those smelly freeloaders locked away in standing cells until they wished they had shoes. Maybe I’d take a few of the better specimens to the zoo where they would have to live off bits of granola thrown to them by visitors.
Anyway, we received two really sweet closeout Salomon trail-runners:
Stay human,
Sam
